Unsolicited Reviews

X-Men: The Last Stand (aka X3)

What a pity Bryan Singer left to do Superman Returns. If you’re a Supes fan it’s great news but it ain’t so good for the X-Men franchise.

OK look, this is a good action film and it’s worth a watch. Director Brett Ratner can do good action stuff and the fight scenes are great. And also, the CGI is fantastic and in keeping with super-hero and -villain stuff; witness the Golden Gate Bridge scene and tell me Magneto is not a complete and utter megalomaniac. Sheesh, hasn’t he heard of boats?

But Ratner doesn’t have Singer’s deft touch and sympathetic eye to character development and integrity. And the script is pure cliché. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…” (of course, they had to quote the whole thing in case American idiots didn’t get the reference); “God help us…” (when everything goes pear-shaped for the government); “What have I done?” (when Magneto looks back on the raging Dark Phoenix); “blah, blah, blah… we’re X-MEN” (Wolverine to a scared and under-prepared band about to take on Magneto and the world); really, it’s unsubtle and makes sure every line is UNDERLINED to the FULL so NO-ONE can MISS ANYTHING. Oh the poetry!! A mutant son saves his human father after the father tries to “cure” the son of his mutation!! My God!! How original!!

The Dark Phoenix arc (Jean Grey goes powerfully nuts) is ransacked and used as a framework for the story but doesn’t go anywhere and contains none of the depth of the graphic novels. And the main premise—a “cure” for mutants is found… in a mutant—is just an excuse for big action: mutant v. mutant… mutant v. humans… humans v. mutants… everyone v. everyone…

To be honest, I enjoyed this but it’s a poor follow-up to the first 2 X-Men movies. But a follow-up by anyone but Singer was always going to be a very hard act to follow.

Oh. And don’t forget to watch right to the end, after the credits, for a “surprising” twist.

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Cube

Odd. Very odd, in the same way that Nothing is odd. Not strange since it’s the same director.

A person wakes up in a large cube with no memory of how they arrived. In each face of the cube is a door which leads to… another cube. The problem—some cubes are safe, some contain deadly traps. Gradually a group of detainees comes together; they try to use their individual strengths to figure out the secret—how to get out?

It’s an interesting premise, but a tough call to make it last over 1 1/2 hours. The acting is so-so and the script OK but it’s hard to feel empathy because the premise is so odd.

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Unleashed

(aka Danny the Dog).

It’s a pretty stupid premise. Well ‘ard London gangster Bart (Bob Hoskins) keeps “tamed animal” Danny (Jet Li) in check with a special collar around his neck. Whenever Bart needs someone sorted out, off comes the collar and Danny goes nuts, beating the living daylights out of whomever stands in his way.

If you can get past that and just relax and enjoy the ride, it’s actually pretty good. The script is OK and with top performers like Bob Hoskins and Morgan Freeman, you can mostly count on a good show.

Obviously, with Jet Li, you’re expecting big martial arts action; the film doesn’t disappoint and neither does Li. He may be getting on but boy, can he still move. The fight choreography is by the venerable Yuen Wo Ping and it’s as good as you’d expect from this master of mayhem.

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Nothing

Another film from Vincenzo Natali, the director of Cube (odd) and Cypher (great).

This one is… yikes. Weird.

Two friends from boyhood share a house and in one impossible day, their lives go from humdrum to unliveable. Just as they’re about to be shot/jailed/caught/whatever, everything disappears except the house they live in. All around is… Nothing. And they have the power to wish everything away into… Nothing.

Really odd stuff. The two leads give great performances as the put-upon pair but in the end… well, let’s just say they finally get a-head. Heh.

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Shaolin Soccer

What a hoot! A very funny movie, taking the mickey out of martial arts staples whilst using them to create a new, unique take on the genre. I suspect it helps if you’ve seen a lot of chop-socky movies, though…

When the superb soccer player Golden Leg misses a crucial goal, he’s mobbed by the crowd who break his “golden leg”. Many years later, he discovers the young kung-fu expert Mighty Steel Leg who seems to be applying his incredible skills to soccer. Golden approaches Steel to form a new team, and Steel ropes in his Shaolin “brothers”. They embark on a quest to win an important soccer tournament…

Writer/director/star Steven Chow has been around Chinese cinema for years… a quick IMDB check says he started around 1982. I’ve seen several of his earlier films and they’re very funny. He seems to specialise in comedy these days.

The film is a great mix of clever martial arts stunts and great special effects—for example, when shots at goal literally scatter the opponents in the path of the ball, throwing them high into the air and all about the pitch. There’s several martial arts staples, such as the “brothers” having to find their skills again after working in dead-end jobs for several years.

There’s also a reasonable love interest in the exceptional steamed bun maker Mui. Her makeover from “ugly” to “modern” has to be seen to be believed! She looks like an 80’s nightmare, all shoulder pads and Adam Ant-style make-up.

If you frequently view and enjoy martial arts flicks, this one’s a great genre comedy and you’ll like it. If you’re not into martial arts, you’ll probably not find it really funny, but give it a try.

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Steamboy

Another lavish anime with fantastic animation, incredible gadgets and cardboard-thin characters.

Set around 1860, this one’s very much a steampunk fantasy with huge steam-powered machines clattering about the countryside to the detriment of first Manchester and then, on a much larger scale, London and the Royal Exhibition. There’s plenty of gigantic steam leviathans, air machines, battle suits, etc, etc.

There are some amazing images and beautiful set pieces but the real problem is the characters—with the exception of the young protagonist James Ray Steam, they’re almost all unlikeable and/or uninteresting. Their motivations are confusing and contradictory and several of the big speeches about the ultimate purpose of science are quite lame.

It’s also too long by abut 20 minutes—I felt annoyed when what I thought was the end turned out to be a hiatus before the big, final showdown. From then on I was bored.

I felt very let down by this movie since it initially looked so good.

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The House of Flying Daggers

From the same director¹ as Hero, this martial arts picture is much more than that: tragic love story, high adventure, intrigue, rebels-vs-government and period drama. Hero (as previously reviewed) may be more sumptuously costumed and staged, but Flying Daggers is its superior in almost every other way. The only missing element is the inimitable Jet Lee, star of Hero.

The House of Flying Daggers is a rebel group opposing the ruling powers and attempting to overthrow the government. When a government agent is assigned an undercover mission to escort the daughter of the Flying Daggers leader back to the group, he encounters multiple deceptions and challenges, not the least of which is the girl herself—an accomplished martial artist who is blind. The stuff of legends!

I was far more engaged and interested by this than many a martial arts film I’ve lately seen. Yes, there’s wire-work and CGI but it’s well integrated into the whole, so it doesn’t interrupt the story flow by saying, “Hey! Look at the clever stuff we’ve done!” And the strength of the story really carries the whole experience through.

I saw it at home but it’s probably best experienced on the big screen.

¹ Yimou Zhang, well known and highly respected respected giant of Chinese cinema.

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The Final Cut

An intriguing tale about the nature of memory and how it shapes lives and relationships.

The “Zoe implant” makes perfect memory possible. Implanted in childhood, it can be extracted at death to provide an edited viewing of a life—a “re-memory”.

Alan is one of the best “cutters”—re-memory editors—in the business, but he’s haunted by a childhood event for which he feels unbearable guilt. Perhaps he sees a measure of redemption in what he does as he edits out the “mistakes” from other’s lives, leaving a palatable remembrance for the subject’s loved ones.

While cutting the memories of a high-profile lawyer, Alan sees a ghost from his past and embarks on a quest to discover whether that ghost is real. However the price of the truth may be higher than he thinks…

Robin Williams has proved on many occasions he’s a fine actor and far, far more than a comedian. In this film, he has little chance to display his considerable talents as Alan is quite a faceless character.

The central premise—the Zoe implant—is a very interesting idea and approaches good sci-fi in that it posits a tech idea and plays with the societal implications. However the themes are explored in a heavy-handed fashion; there’s very little subtlety in the dialogue or the character’s reactions. It’s hard to form an emotional attachment to any character which, of course, weakens the exposition of ideas.

Despite these criticisms the film looks great and generally works well. It’s a cut above most films packaged as sci-fi.

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The Haunted Air by F. Paul Wilson

Well, I thought Repairman Jack’s 5^th outing was his best yet, but this 6^th one is right up there with it. Wilson continues to skilfully weave an RJ story around and into his larger Adversary storyline. I wonder how long he can keep it up?

Jack and Gia encounter the skilful psychic scammers Lyle and Charlie Kenton who operate as mediums to the spirit-world. But maybe they’re too good, because they seem to be under attack from very human agencies—bullets, fire-bombs and other violent and real attacks. RJ is hired to sort out the Kenton’s problems.

But there may be something… odd… about the house in which they live, because it appears to be… really… haunted. And somehow, Gia is drawn toward the ostensible ghost of a young girl.

Yes, there’s a real ghost. But is she all she seems?

Jack and Gia are drawn once again into danger, set up by The Otherness. And this time the danger hits closer to home than ever before. Jack and the Kentons may not be able to counteract the actions of a vengeful dead spirit—and it seems the whole world may be soon in danger.

Wilson, in his usual entertaining style, describes the scams and tricks of the fake spiritualist-medium but then brings the X-Files factor into play to suggest that maybe the scammers don’t know what’s really going on. RJ does, though, and despite his grudging acceptance of supernatural stuff, he must fight The Otherness to protect his most precious asset yet.

Another well-plotted, tightly-paced, and never-let-the-action-flag RJ novel. If you like RJ, you’ll love this one. It’s an absolute cracker.

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Hosts by F. Paul Wilson

Repairman Jack’s 5^th outing is his best yet.

Two major events are visited on Jack: (1) he’s The Saviour of a brutal subway attack, killing a crazed gunman and (2) his long lost sister Kate, seemingly randomly, walks back into his life.

In (1), Jack is witnessed by a “cub” reporter (Jimmy Olsen-style) who sees Jack as his ticket to fame and fortune. Jack’s very existence—at the fringes of society and anonymity—are threatened.

In (2), his sister Kate calls on the services of Repairman Jack, never suspecting that he’s her long lost brother, not seen for over 10 years. This is a serendipitous meeting, re-establishing a strong connection with the woman who actually brought Jack(ie) up.

Unfortunately, the reason Kate calls Jack has to do with her lesbian lover Jeanette, now infected with a mystery virus after treatment for a brain tumour. But maybe the virus is more than it seems because eight others who received the same treatment begin to exhibit strange behaviour…

And in the middle of all this, Jack is targeted by two explosion experts who blame Jack for their loss of face, reputation, income…

Well, if you’ve read any of the other RJ series, the situations and convolutions come as no surprise. If you haven’t then go back and read the RJ series in order: The Tomb (aka Rakoshi), Legacies, Conspiracies and All The Rage. Not to mention various others, detailed at repairmanjack.com.

This is the best, most coherent, most tightly-plotted, most tragic RJ yet. Jack is close to becoming the most unaware, most unwilling saviour of mankind yet. Only RJ can Save-The-World™. And keep his loved-ones safe. He hopes.

A great, easy and enthralling read.

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All The Rage by F. Paul Wilson

The 4^th in the “Repairman Jack” series. A tightly-plotted and enthralling read.

Jack’s latest job(s) involve him with very nasty gangster Milos Dragovic (an evil Serb, natch) who seems to be distributing a new, potent drug Berserk which give you a magnificent high then makes you blazingly and unreasonably angry at everything, to the point where normal people engage in the most outrageous violence. At the forefront is the clever but oily Frenchman (natch) Dr. Luc Monnet, a pharmaceutical genius, who develops Berserk from the blood of Sharkman, a major attraction at a travelling freakshow.

There’s a large cast of likeable characters, there’s Gia and Vicky in danger from Serb gangsters, there’s Jack single-handedly taking on the Otherness, there’s monsters from Jack’s past, there’s stuff moving even deeper into X-Files territory than Conspiracies—it’s all great. Wilson’s commitment to his character is further cemented. Jack, I think, has the glimmerings of an idea that there’s a big, monstrous, scary thing out there trying to take us over and he’s The One™ to stop it.

Cool stuff. Very enjoyable.

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Conspiracies by F. Paul Wilson

The 3^rd in the “Repairman Jack” series. Didn’t review the 2^nd (called Legacies) because it was entertaining but not great.

This one—like the first one—puts Jack firmly back where he belongs, in X-Files territory.

Melanie Ehler, a member of the conspiracy-bonding group SESOUP, has gone missing for some inexplicable reason. Her husband Lew hires Jack to find out where she’s gone.

Jack attends the 1^st annual SESOUP conference to find out what’s been going on—and finds, through nightmares, that maybe the horrors from his 1^st encounter (The Tomb) aren’t as dead as he thought.

In this novel, Wilson fullly engages his character and sets a template for future Repairman Jack novels. The action and characters are big and seem to tie in with his Adversary cycle.

Jack, Gia and Vicky—the core of Jack’s life—play well but safely against the cosmic events of the novel.

When Jack finally uncovers the truth of Melanie’s disappearance, Gia and Vicky are nowhere to be seen but the Fate-Of-The-World™ rests squarely on Jack’s shoulders. Which is as it should be!

One of the best Repairman Jack series I’ve yet read.

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Preacher

For a long time I avoided this series¹. Don’t know why—looked odd, I guess. What an idiot.

Once I’d read the last page, I had to sit still, be quiet and consider the story for at least 15 minutes… anything else would have been just not right. It’s one of the funniest, most profound, most enjoyable series I’ve read since the ever-incredible Watchmen by Alan Moore.

A quick overview. Jessie Custer is a small-town preacher. He’s suffering a crisis of faith when an entity named Genesis—the fruit of a union between an angel and a demon—violently merges with him, killing his entire congregation. He finds that he has Genesis’ memories and some of its power, including the Word of God… anyone who hears and understands Jessie must obey. Along with his lost love Tulip O’Hare and his new best friend, the Irish vampire Cassidy, Jessie embarks on a quest to—quite literally—find God and get some answers.

It’s odd, y’know. The content is adult—blasphemous, depraved, disgusting, black as Severin’s cloak². But it’s also hugely character- and story-driven. The odd, broken, twisted, fucked-up characters are supplemented by believable dialogue, huge storylines, laugh-out-loud funny graphic sequences and incredible pathos. Oh, and very effective drawings by, for the most part, Steve Dillon. And fantastic covers by Glenn Fabry.

The writer is Garth Ennis, one of the “new wave” of British writers (Irish, actually), and his stories are professional, accomplished, fascinating, compelling, entertaining, violent, confronting, irreverent and just plain fun. Ennis is the one who, for me, really made the John Constantine: Hellblazer character actually work rather than just piquing my interest. Ennis is a story-teller par excellence.

Thing is, people think graphic novels are just kid’s stuff, on a par with Mickey Mouse or Looney Tunes. Preacher is nowhere near that. It has horrible depravity, explicit violence and yet interesting questions about the nature of God. There’s also a strong thread about relationships and betrayal.

Give it a go if you don’t mind having basic and accepted (in Western society) notions questioned. You’ll certainly never forget it.

¹ Again, kudos to my local library system for making stacks of graphic novels available.

² Severin, protagonist of the incredible Book of the New Sun series by Gene Wolfe, wears a cloak of fuligin, the colour blacker than black.

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Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Yawn. Another big action flick, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it has zombies too. Must be exciting, then.

Look, this is a great pizza and/or Saturday night movie. But really, the whole thing’s boringly brainless. What can you expect from something based on a video game? I can’t, offhand, think of one good movie based on a game. Thinking, thinking… nope, not one.

The final twist is kinda good but other than that, this is a completely by-the-numbers action/horror flick. Lots of colour, sound and movement and that’s it. I’ll give it to Milla Jovovich, she looks the part and obviously worked hard for the action and fight scenes.

But really, it’s a pretty predictable effort.

The really sad thing is I’ll probably see Resident Evil: Afterlife if it comes out. Probably not in the cinema, though.

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Batman Begins

At last, DC turns out a really good superhero movie, right up there with the excellent Marvel adaptations like X-Men and Spider-Man. Since The Batman is my favourite hero, this makes a very welcome change from some earlier efforts.

This Batman comes over as a real person. We know the basic story very well: the young Bruce Wayne sees his parents murdered before his eyes and vows to become a scourge to crime. Here, however the premise is taken a lot further by showing how Wayne gains both his fighting skills and his highly focussed passion for justice. But first, he has a to deal with a lot of unfocussed rage and hard knocks, which gradually turn to inspiration and purpose.

To me, the really interesting part was making Ra’s Al Guhl instrumental in the creation of The Batman. In the comics / graphic novels, Batman and Ra’s Al Guhl have an uneasy and ever-changing relationship which oscillates between enmity and partnership, so weaving Al Guhl into Batman’s very beginning is an unexpected yet fitting turn. One of Ra’s Al Guhl tricks doesn’t turn up in the movie—I wonder if it will later?

Christian Bale is good though perhaps a touch wooden. He looks uncomfortably like Michael O’Hare in the first series of Babylon 5, and he really is wooden. I kept expecting Zathras to turn up. Michael Caine is great, of course, but I’m not sure his Cockney shtick really fits Alfred’s character. Completely failed to recognise Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon. And Morgan Freeman—what can you say? He’s always great.

The story draws heavily on Frank Miller and Miller-inspired stories of the late 80’s and early 90’s, particularly Batman: Year One. They even kept a lot of the characters, though the story is quite different. It was Miller who really got the dark, obsessed Batman going and his influence continues in stories of the current day.

The effects and stunts and fight-work are great—best seen on the big screen. And it’s fascinating to watch Bruce Wayne put together his arsenal, his costume and his Batmobile using real-seeming technology; it adds immeasurably to the verisimilitude of the whole.

A really great superhero adaptation. I look forward to the next in the series, but I really hope they keep Christopher Nolan as the helmer. Boy, can that guy direct!

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